


One Thousand Cuts

by OptimisticallyCynical



Series: Breaking The Hawk [34]
Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Demetri talks to him about getting help, Hawk is not doing okay, M/M, it's stops before anything happens, slight sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:55:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29482563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OptimisticallyCynical/pseuds/OptimisticallyCynical
Summary: Hawk really doesn't want to talk to Demetri right now. He's still pissed that Demetri would tell anyone about what's been going on. To bad Robby sold him out and now he has to.
Relationships: Demetri/Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz
Series: Breaking The Hawk [34]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103372
Comments: 28
Kudos: 81





	One Thousand Cuts

**Author's Note:**

> So I might not be able to do parts for awhile, who's to say really, but I wanted to get this one out here because a lot of people seemed to think that Hawk wanting Demetri to leave at that moment meant they might break up and I felt bad about leaving people with that thought for to long if I can't updaye for awhile.   
> Anyways! Enjoy some hurt/comfort!

Hawk’s head felt fuzzy when he woke up. He couldn’t remember much after the doctor had injected him with the needle, maybe a few minutes of Mr LaRusso and the man talking to each other, but after that, nothing.

Even so, the second he was awake he wished he could fall back into the darkness.

His chest felt hollowed out and his stomach was twisting in such a way that he felt like he was going to be sick. All in all his body felt ill and heavy, even moving his arm a few inches across the bed took more effort than he wanted to put into it, as if there were fifty pound weights resting on each part of the limb.

Lazily opening his eyes he let out a long breath. He wondered if maybe Robby would allow him to skip school today and just let him spend it in bed.

“Hey Hawk.” Robby’s voice came before the touch to his shoulder, allowing Hawk to know who it was and giving him the chance to relax into the feeling. “They gave you a sedative,” well, that explained why he couldn’t remember much of anything after getting the shot. Would have been nice for them to tell him that. He’d thought he was just getting more pain meds.

He didn’t react to Robby’s information, his eyes still looking out over to the other side of the room, looking at the sight of their backpacks sitting against the wall.

When the silenced dragged out, Robby took the leads to fill it.

“Mr LaRusso and I got everything from the hotel room. He even managed to get us the rest of the amount back for the month.” Well that was good. He could give his half to Robby. He owed him that much for getting them stuck in this mess. “They’re making dinner now. He said we could either join them or I could grab some plates for us to eat in here.”

Even just the thought of food was making Hawk’s stomach turn. He didn’t know if he would be able to be around it, he was sure the smell of it alone would make him start gagging.

As Hawk continued to remain silent, Robby’s tightened the hand on his shoulder.

“Hawk? You going to say anything?”

He should say something. It would be rude not to and he didn’t want to be rude to Robby.

With a heavy sigh he set to work on pushing himself up to his hands and knees. His face twisted at the mild numbness across his back. He couldn’t help but wonder if the damage had been so bad that they’d felt the need to numb it. But he brushed the thought off because that was only going to lead down a rabbit hole he wasn’t ready to deal with just yet. Moving himself around until he was sitting with one leg hanging over the bed and the other bent close enough to rest his hands on without stretching his back, he turned to face his friend.

There was a small, but still genuine smile on his face, his cat like green eyes full of understanding that helped to lighten the crushing presser that seemed to be filling Hawk’s chest.

But it also turned his stomach with guilt to the point he could feel the bile of it crawling up his throat.

Because Robby really hadn’t wanted to end up here. He’d wanted to stay away from having anymore interaction than he needed to with the man who had thrown him away. Yet now he was stuck here, and all because Hawk couldn’t keep his shit together.

He opened his mouth, wanting to apologize for the shit he got them mixed up in, but the words wouldn’t come out. His brows furrowed as he tried again, and again. Still nothing came forward.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”

Shoulders slumping Hawk could feel his own disappointment doubling.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Reaching his hand up he clawed at his throat, wondering if he could somehow release the crushing pressure that seemed to be wrapped around it, keeping him from speaking. But even the pressure didn’t help, and he dropped his hand lifelessly into his lap.

Jesus, did he ever want to crawl back into bed and just sleep the rest of his life away.

“Do you think you could eat right now?”

Grateful for the question- because he’s pretty sure he would embarrass himself if he tried to choke anything down at this moment- Hawk gave a little shake of his head.

Robby gave him a tight smile, once again placing his hand on his shoulder and giving it a firm but gentle squeeze.

“Alright, I’ll let them know, but you’ll have to eat tomorrow okay?”

If he could hold something down by than, sure, he’d eat whatever they felt like making.

He didn’t nod to show that he agreed to the demand, and Robby’s grip tightened.

Hawk knew what he was trying to do. The pressure had always been something that he’d found comforting, something that helped him to refocus and pull him back when his emotions were climbing to an unstable point.

But he couldn’t come back the same way he normally did.

Because he didn’t feel much of anything.

He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t afraid. If anything all he could feel was a deeply sinking twist of guilt and shame and nothingness. He felt nearly as numb as the wounds across his back, detached from himself, and yet he could still feel the pressure of something building behind his ribs and deep in his lungs.

Robby’s hand dropped from his shoulder and the silence continued.

Hawk felt like inside his head he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He could feel the burning of holding it in nearly bursting from his bones. But he couldn’t push the sound out. Couldn’t muster up enough energy to so much as bring the proper expression to his features to show just how furious he was with how out of control he felt.

But his also felt to tired to bother with it. His limbs heavy and mind in a numb like haze.

“Demetri’s still here.” Although Robby didn’t sound very thrilled at the mention of the other Miyagi student he still sounded like he wanted Hawk to take an interest. “He’s been hanging out in the backyard. He told Mr LaRusso that he just wanted to get in some extra training.” Hawk shifted his gaze to meet with Robby’s, the other boy’s stare pointed as he spoke. “I think we both know that’s a lie.”

Demetri had stayed?

Hawk hated the way that his heart warmed at the new information.

He quickly snuffed it out.

While he couldn’t really blame Demetri for running his mouth- if Hawk wasn’t such a fucked up loser than he’d have nothing **to** run his mouth about- if he hadn’t said anything in the first place and just kept his mouth shut, they wouldn’t be here.

“Would you like me to go get him.”

No.

While Hawk really didn’t like that idea, something must have shown in his face because after a moment of studying it, Robby got up and moved towards the door.

“I’ll be right back.”

Hawk didn’t even have enough energy to fume.

So he sat in the quiet of the space, eyeing the sight of Chewie’s head sticking out of the top of his backpack.

He wondered what Mr LaRusso had thought when he’d seen him. Wondered if Robby had told him anything about the little plush or if he’d ignored the man the whole time they’d packed their things away.

Had the Miyagi Sensei took a look around their living arrangements with distaste? Did seeing their living situation with his own eyes make him feel like some kind of hero for forcing them to come live with him?

Shoulders slumping at the thought of it, Hawk turned his thoughts back to the little brown head sticking out of his bag, offering him a small wave.

It was nice that Robby had given him a way to breath. Hawk would have to tell him thanks once his voice decided to stop being a baby and taking a vacation.

When he heard the door sliding open he didn’t bother looking over to see who it was.

As it clicked closed again, he could feel the weight of the others stare pressing along his back, the heat in his chest building.

“Uh, hey Eli.”

His hands curled into tight fists against his bent leg.

Demetri walked slowly until he was on other other side of the bed Hawk was sitting on. His hands were rested in his pockets, his shoulders slumped, making him appear a few inches shorter than he really was. He looked nervous and unsure, his eyes searching Hawk as if he was looking for some kind of sign.

Hawk just stared back at him blankly.

For a moment Demetri stood there awkwardly, sucking his lips in as he looked around the room, his gaze pausing once it fell on Chewie before moving back over to Hawk. After a few seconds of thought he slid onto the bed, sitting close enough that their knees were almost touching.

From deeply within his chest a mixture of bitterness and rage suddenly burned.

“I’m really sorry.” It was a little to late for that wasn’t it? After all, he’d already told everyone every weakness that he had. Already told his enemies just how pathetic he really was. “I honestly didn’t mean for Mr LaRusso or Mr Lawrence to hear me,” Oh yes. Perfect. What a great reminder that the only other adult he’d ever looked up to now knew just how fucked up he was. “and I shouldn’t have told Sam all of that. It wasn’t my place and-.”

But Hawk had heard enough.

Finally he could feel something breaking passed the barrier of numbness that had been pulling at every cell of his body.

And it was a building wave of anger and frustration.

Without giving Demetri any warning, he landed a very solid hit against his arm.

“Ow! What the-? Hawk watch your stit-!”

But he didn’t give him any time to finish freaking out about the state of Hawk’s injuries as he used the same hand to grab a fistful of Demetri’s shirt and pull him down while he tilted his head up.

Their lips met in a painful crash, but Hawk didn’t care, feeding off of the pain as he quickly turned his hips, throwing his leg over Demetri’s lap in one fluid motion until he was straddling the other male.

“Hawk!” Demetri tried to pull away, his voice a high squeak.

But Hawk refused to budge, holding him in place with both hands, one gripping the back of his head and the other clutching at his jaw.

Shoving his tongue into the wet mouth he wondered if maybe that would shut Demetri up, taking it as a yes when the body under him shivered. Than he felt the large hands wrapping around his wrists, trying to pull him off, to push him back.

Hawk growled into the demanding touch, using his weight and position to shove the bigger male over until he’d shoved him onto his back.

He had to pull away to keep from breaking teeth when they landed, his heart harming hard behind his ribs, his panted breath caressing Demetri’s face, those deep brown eyes staring up at the ceiling in a daze.

Giving him no time to recover Hawk slotted their lips together again, his hands moving down to sink his nails into the others chest, loving the way that he jumped at the touch.

“Wait, wait-,” Demetri tilted his head up and away, out of Hawk’s reach, his breathing erratic as he pressed his hands at his slender shoulders. “Hawk wait, what are you-?” His question was cut off with a sharp gasp as Hawk moved his mouth down to his neck instead, dragging his hips firmly over Demetri’s crotch and turning the gasp into a full blown moan.

“Fuck.” The other hissed, dropping his head back, his hands twitching where they sat.

Satisfied with his compliance Hawk sunk his teeth into the curve of his neck. He sucked hard enough to leave the skin feeling hot as he pulled back and ran his tongue over the abused area, his hands slipping under Demetri’s shirt.

“Eli, wait, stop.” The words were weak and breathy. Hawk paid them no mind as he found a new spot on this throat to abuse, his hands pushing the fabric up higher. “Seriously Eli, stop.” The hands that had been on his shoulders were gone now, Hawk growling when they completely wrapped around his wrists to put a halt to his movements. He sunk his nails in, tilting his head to press his lips to the underside of Demetri’s jaw.

He jerked back when Demetri suddenly rolled forward, yanking his hands away from his body and using them to shove against Hawk’s chest until they were both sitting up again.

“I said stop Hawk!”

He sounded pissed, his brows furrowed sharply over his eyes.

But Hawk was just a furious, snarling back at him as he curled his trapped hands into tight fists.

“Fuck you Demetri.”

For a split moment, a flabbergasted look overtook Demetri’s features. Than his frustration was back ten fold, his hold tightening to the point of being painful.

“Enough.” His voice was low, an almost deadly sort of quality over taking it that had Hawk backing down slightly.

Not enough to keep him from trying to swoop in and start again though.

“No, no, no.” Demetri leaned away, Hawk hissing his displeasure with being denied what he wanted. Demetri tasked at his attitude, bending Hawk’s wrists back until he was forced to settle back down on his lap and out of his face. “Stop being a brat.” Hawk fumed at the insult, his anger burning so much it felt suffocating. “Use your words for god sake.”

“Why? So you can blab them to everyone?” Hawk sneered, trying to pull his hands away to no avail. “Let go.”

“Not till you calm down.” Demetri was completely calm, a complete contrast to the hissing rage spilling from the smaller male.

It only pissed Hawk off more.

“Fuck.” He hissed, stilling long enough to pin a burning look into those deep brown orbs. “You.”

A long moment dragged on between them. Demetri took in a single, deep breath.

Hawk startled when Demetri suddenly shifted forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the base of his throat.

The action was so soft, nothing more than a lingering pressure that slowly moved up. He squirmed, his anger having nothing to fight against with the fleeting brush like touches.

He hissed again, his hands curling and stretching uselessly in other others hold. Every time he tried to dive in, to take back control and push back with his anger, Demetri would move away and wait.

There was no way for him to keep track of how long he kept it up for, his shoulders dropping, the burning inferno shimmer to nothing but ashes as the light press of lips against his skin drained him.

It felt like he was slowly dying the death of one thousand cuts.

He’d remembered reading about it one night after watching an old action movie. It was all about killing the enemy over the period of the fight with tiny little cuts. While one alone wouldn’t do much, it was the combination of them all sapping out the energy in their opponent, stealing their will until they had nothing left.

Hawk felt like that.

With every soft meeting of Demetri’s lips against every inch of his skin, he could feel the rage that had roared up out of nowhere slipping away, leaving him slumped and defeated.

With Demetri refusing to retaliate to his actions, there was nothing left for him to fight against.

He conceded his loss with the tiniest of whimpers, his lungs burning for a whole new reason.

It was only when he sniffled that Demetri pressed their lips together, again keeping the action carefully soft. Hawk gladly clung to the feeling, desperate to fill the gaping void that felt like it was swallowing him from the inside out.

It was only when a hand traced the outline of Hawk’s jaw that he realized his hands were free, moving them to cling at the others shirt like a frightened kitten.

Hawk stared blankly at his hands clutching the fabric, his actions finally catching up with him.

“I’m sorry.”

Demetri let out a nearly soundless sigh. “Me too.”

They sat together without saying anything, Hawk looking nowhere but his hands.

If he’d thought the shame and guilt from before had been a nightmare to deal with, it had nothing on the crushing pressure that this created.

What the fuck had he been thinking?

“I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

What was going on in his head lately? Why did he keep fucking things up? How did he constantly find himself overstepping the line every single time?

Some of the tenseness in his shoulders bled out when Demetri’s hand moved to the back of his neck, giving it a light sort of pressure as his thumb stroked over the side of his throat.

When he realized what Demetri was waiting for, Hawk swallowed his nerves and forced himself to meet the others gaze.

Demetri spoke slowly. “You need help Hawk. And I can’t help you.”

When he blinked, thick tears slipped down his cheeks, his hands pulling at the fabric as he shook his head.

“I-I won’t do it again. I promise Dem. It won’t-,”

“Hey,” Demetri pressed their foreheads together, Hawk sucking down a shuttering breath. “I didn’t say I was going anywhere.” He assured him, his other hand moving up to cup Hawk’s cheek. “I’m still going to be right here okay?”

Hawk nodded, a small sob coming out as he tried to wipe at his eyes with his hands.

“And it’s not that I don’t want to help.” Demetri continued, “But I honestly don’t know how, and I’m not going to risk fucking you up again. You don’t need that.” Hawk wanted to deny it. But that was kind of how they had gotten here wasn’t it? “Mr LaRusso can help though. If you let him.”

“What is he?” Hawk grumbled through a tight throat, his tone bitter. “The miracle handyman of broken people?”

“You’re not broken Eli.” Demetri sighed, and again Hawk found himself unable to look away from the heaviness of the others gaze. “You’re just hurt and scared.”

Hawk curled his lips behind his teeth to keep Demetri from seeing them tremble.

“I want you to get better, I really, really do.” Hawk dipped his head unable to continue facing such naked honesty. “So can you promise me that you’ll at least try and let him help you?”

He wanted to say no. Saying yes felt like it would somehow end up betraying Robby. But Demetri sounded so hopeful, so soft. He couldn’t possibly let him down.

With a heavy head he gave a small nod, feeling a little lighter when Demetri pulled him against his chest.

“Thank you.”

Burying his head into the crook of Demetri’s neck, Hawk could feel the numbness sinking away as it was replaced with the hope Demetri provided.

He could get through this. He would get through it.

Demetri believed he would.

Hawk just needed to take the first step.


End file.
